I suppose I have never had a better reason to lay awake at 3 a.m. Three-fifths of my family has gone in three directions. Boy Becoming Man is on a mission trip to St. Louis, one of the most dangerous inner-cities in the country. Nature Girl is at horse/Bible camp, 4 hours north, where it has been cold and rainy all week, and she has never done something like this, Miss Reluctant To Try New Things But Coming Out Of Her Shell. My husband is in New York on business, so I couldn't be lulled back to sleep by his peaceful breathing.
I laid there, awake, with their three faces flashing in my head, wondering if they were laying awake, too, longing to be home. I prayed for each of them, which I have deemed the best use of insomnia.
All along, this homeschooling mom has had the nagging worry that she is not preparing her children well for life...these children who all three clung to her legs in new situations when they were younger, who wouldn't look adults in the eye and clammed up when spoken to.
But I have prayed and gently nudged, cajoled a bit, perhaps. Eased them into unfamiliar territory. I have tried to fertilize their roots and hope they sprout wings. I have emphasized character more than test scores and serving others more than satisfying themselves. I have tried to lead their eyes past idols and onto the Kingdom of God.
But will it stick? Will they care as much as I? Will my own struggles with selfishness and idols speak louder than my words?
My spinning mind walks through these tall, unchartered jungle grasses of worry, and I push them aside, only to feel them snap back, razor-edged. I am searching for the "ancient path." As a parent, I want to take this God-challenge seriously...
This is what the LORD says: “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. -Jer. 6:16
Ah, rest for my soul. The holy grail of laying awake at 3 in the morning.
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