Fear of Average

My great joys growing up were always the "slam dunks:"  successes rewarded with the point or the A or the solo or the lead role or the accolade.  If I was in an activity in which I couldn't bubble up to the top, I would quit and look for an opportunity to rise in something else. 

My son is on a basketball team that emphasizes defense.  Maybe this is common among coaches, but it seemed a little foreign to me.  When I played three years of basketball in middle school, I recall that it was all about the points.  Getting the ball and driving to the basket.  The first email from the coach of the Homeschool Defenders team was about the priority of defense. 

This got me thinking that deep inside, I've always feared being average, being one of the under-appreciated defense.  One thing that homeschooling and staying home to raise my kids has stripped me of, though, is my penchant for slam-dunks.  If there is a continuum of homeschooling aptitude, I am right in the middle.  My children are average performers.  No spelling bee champs or violin virtuosos.  I don't see full-ride scholarships in the future.  They aren't perfectly mannered or running a hobby farm.  At the end of a day of homeschooling, I rarely feel we have accomplished much.  A messy house.  Some refereeing between siblings.  A great deal undone. 

But there is something different lifting to the top now.  A fresh humility that cracks the egg of ego and spills out compassion and prayers.  Like Jacob, I wrestle with God often and come in last always.  But the last shall be made first in God's kingdom order, so can I really lose? 

I can put my arm around a friend now and say, "I know, it's hard.  There's no formula for perfection.  There is no basket for slam-dunks."  

And that, I think, is what God loves to see rise within us, like a great flock of birds bursting into sky.