When the Season Draws You Deeper

This time of year sends me swimming in nostalgia.  I purchase a new ornament for the children each year, to represent their interests and stage of life, and as the delicate icons came out of their tissue wrap, I am swept back over the years.  Winnie-the-Pooh, Cub Scout, ballerina, tea cup and saucer, Care Bear, pink pony.  You can imagine the burden on the boughs as they hold memories of 3 kids and 18 years of marriage. 

We have a second little tree in our master bedroom.  We call it the anniversary tree, and it holds ornaments selected each year of our marriage, beginning on our honeymoon.  On a yellowing slip of paper, I write down the year we bought each ornament and what it represents.   Pink booties for Megan's arrival, a tiny picture of the house we built, a little gold cruise ship, a butterfly to remind us of "Songs with Wings, " one of the CDs we made together. 


Sometimes I imagine the timeline of my life, from birth to now.   It doesn't look like the straight time lines that come in our homeschool curriculum, ready to write dates and paste pictures.  It looks a bit like an irregular heart monitor print-out, with blips like peaks and valleys.  There are big valleys that made my heart pound.  There are moments when the peaks are off the page, so mountainous were they.


Upon each event on this time line, I can stamp a promise of God.


1991:  I have suddenly, joyously drawn near to God, after 20 years of wandering.  This peak is stamped with Romans 10:9  If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.


1993:  I am crying.  Dave has lost his job right before our wedding.  This valley is stamped with Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.


2000:  I am looking bleakly at a toddler and a baby.  My husband is in Asia for 3 weeks.  I am downcast, feeling far from God and wondering, "who am I?"  This valley is stamped with Romans 8:38-39  And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.


2005:  I am laying passed out in a pool of blood on the bathroom tile.  The baby is gone and I am in the valley of God's cupped hand.  It is stamped with Job 1:21  The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.


2007:  God is doing a new thing in me;  He is painting a vision on my heart for a music ministry.  The peak is nearly off the page! Isaiah 43:18-19  Forget what has happened.  Don't keep going over old history.  Be alert.  Be present.  I am about to do something brand new!  It's bursting out, don't you see it?


2011:  I am feeling in the center of God's will, doing what I love.  Homeschooling, songwriting and performing, serving others with my children, giving out of God's generosity to me.  All this stamped with Ecclesiastes 5:19  Moreover, when God gives a man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accepts his lot and be happy with his works--this is a gift of God.


Someday, any day really, the time line will end.  There is a stamp ready for that moment:  Revelations 22:4 They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.