Holy Discontent

My sweet friend sat in the chair, verbalizing an emotion that is difficult to articulate.  She didn't want to sound ungrateful , but she was dissastisfied.  What should she be doing with her time?  What will count?  What will matter to the Kingdom of God?  She was pent up with frustration and ambivalence, unsure of her next step.  

A few comments were tossed to her from the group of ladies...enjoy this peaceful time...pray for contentment.  They came with good intentions, trying to ease her internal struggle.

But I recognized her angst.  I have felt it, too, in recent months: seeing so much need and recognizing my own well of resources, but feeling paralyzed, not wanting to jump into just anything.  I gave her a word for her emotion:  holy discontent.  Those of us who have become dissatisfied with our quest of the American Dream, with our lovely homes, our cozy little family times, our beautiful churches complete with fine coffee, giant screens, and mega sound boards, our Christian conferences and Bible studies where we fill up but don't do much to pour out because we're too busy investing in our American Dream and our pretty churches.  

Ministries that were once monumental efforts to me, like parenting, homeschooling, and music ministry, are now comfortable as God has blessed me with skill and resources.  When I was on the learning curve, trusting God in my weakness, I felt smack in the center of His will.  I'm certainly not an expert at any of these things, but as I've developed a certain amount of proficiency and can say, "I know how to do this pretty well," I think it's time to venture into deeper waters, beyond safe pastures.  

Enter "holy discontent."  

So my prayer is this:

God, I see needs that far exceed my ability to meet.  Don't let me rest until I've done something.  Send me into deep waters.  Send others with me.  

May God break my heart so completely that the whole world falls in.  -Mother Teresa