Then he starts asking me questions. "Do you ever notice people's eye colors when you first meet them? Do you know that people who enjoy talking with each other start to subconsciouly mimic each other's movements? It's sychronicity, baby."
He's got my curiousity up so I download the book onto my Kindle. I expect it to be a little narcissistic and self-serving, but it actually is just a reminder to be warm, to intentionally connect with people and find a common interest and rapport, to take the trouble to notice people and engage. The first thing you have to do is stop depending on the artificial connection of e-mail and facebook. Even the phone doesn't cut it. I'm talking one on one, face to face, heart to heart.
I am sad to say that my family sees me too often with my face in the laptop. They talk to my left shoulder or the back of my head. They get lame "uh huhs" to their "are you listening to me" questions. Youngest Daughter will boldly say, "Mom, please close your computer and snuggle with me."
The concept is so simple. Face the person. Point your heart to his. Study the eyes. Match the energy. Listen and respond. Ask questions that show you're interested. BE interested. Even when your Boy Becoming Man only wants to talk about the Twins or the Vikings, or your Youngest's brain can't keep up with her mouth so she connects her thoughts with "and, um, um, um, um, then..."
I think Dave and I are trying it out covertly on each other. Suddenly, we're close on the couch, twisted toward each other, making eye contact as we discuss the day. And I feel this warmth bubble up after just shy of 18 years of marriage; a deep gratitude that he still wants to talk with me and laugh at my jokes and make sure he remembers my eye color. Then he touches his chin. And I touch mine.
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