Who Cares More?

Life lessons are often taught and learned in the mundane episodes of life.  It's like The Brady Bunch.  Everything starts out as a normal day, with a cheerful music soundtrack, you know, a little 70's flute melody, and long, blond hair swinging like a pendulum.  Then, surprise, conflict enters, the plot thickens, the chords become dissonant, wise parents intervene, wiser housekeeper cleans up the mess.  Cheerful music closes the show.

Enter two Pearson girls who want to re-bunk their beds.  Daddy cheerfully complies with wrench in hand.  But....squealing tire sound effect...who will get to sleep in the top bunk first? 

Little sister:  "I should get to, because she got to first the last time."

Big sister: "But she already said I could go first."

Little sister:  "But that was before I remembered that she went first LAST time."

Motherly insert:  "Why don't you flip a coin?  Remember, the coin is neutral.  Don't get mad at the coin."

Coin is flipped.  Little girl loses.  Shoot; it would have been easier if she'd won.  Dumb coin.

Little sister runs off in tears.  Big sister smiles smugly.  Mom and Dad look at each other and nod.  The time has come to share a helpful fact of life with Big Sister. 

In most conflicts, the issue at hand matters more to one side than the other.  The coin flip doesn't take that into account, but you can.  You can consider your sister's feelings about this and do a selfless, gracious thing.  Or you can play by the rules of the coin that say you won fair and square.  It's up to you.  But your mom and I try to remember this when we are disagreeing.  One of us may have the more logical, practical, reasonable argument, but the other might simply care more.  It matters who cares more. 

Big sister let her cry it out for awhile, but a grateful Little Sister was happily tucked into the top bunk last night. I'm not implying that we should reward tears and tantrums, but sometimes we need to look past the contrary behavior and into the heart of the matter.  Being able to lay down our desires for another is something we need to teach our children...and practice ourselves.   

Cue happy flute music.