Crossfire on the Homefront

One child:  peace.  Two children:  squabble.  Three children: warfare.  In our home lately, I have had to dodge the crossfire of words, angry looks, jabs and pokes.  I never know if it's going to turn into grumbles, tears, whines, or blows (no blows yet!), or how much to intervene.  Dr. Lehman suggests putting them together in a confined space until they work it out.  I might try that.  Is the coat closet too tight?  Another parenting expert said, "If you just spend 30 minutes a day with each of them doing what they want to do, they will not misbehave."  I wish I had an hour and a half every day to leisurely play.  Not on Planet Pearson!

Nurture.  One of my three words for 2012.  How can I nurture them through this?


The best I could come up with this morning was to revisit Galatians 5:22-23.  We gathered in the living room, opened our Bibles, and read together,  "And the fruit of the Spirit is:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." 

The kids copied down the verse and then made a column of "opposites."  Hate, sadness, turmoil, worry, impatience, cruelty, evil, betrayal, harshness, impulsiveness.  I wish I could say they all put on their haloes and started sprouting fruit, but in the very midst of the devotional, they engaged in sharp responses and finger-pointing. 


I lit a candle and reminded them we have the Holy Spirit in us like a fire.  It can shed light on all this beautiful fruit in us. Then I blew out the candle and told them that our attitudes can snuff out the flame.  We become dark.  We leave behind the stench of smoke. 

We each chose a quality to work on for the day and prayed about it.  One chose kindness.  The second chose peace.  The third chose self-control.  I chose gentleness.  Our prayers were sincere.


By snack time, they were already quarreling, insisting they were innocent and another was causing the trouble. 


"She's whistling again." 
"He's being mean."
"She's asking dumb questions." 
"Moooooooom!"


I quickly felt my own flame sputtering.  I could smell the tendrils of smoke.  My eyes darkened with all that is opposite of Spirit fruit.  I turned my back to them, placed my palms on the cool counter, bridled my tongue, breathed deeply, and prayed the kids would hear themselves.  See the sin.  See the need for more of God. 


And then, suddenly, they were laughing big, hearty laughs.  Is that a flicker of a flame I see?  Is that a drip of sweet nectar I taste?  I joined the laughter as I swept off crumbs from the counter and told them, "This is Joy, kids, this is Joy.  Let's live here for awhile."  And we did.  For awhile.

Bread and Cheese, Please

In the bleak midwinter, when skin is crying for Vitamin D, kids are down with colds, and the early morning sound floating in the air is the steady scrape of shovel on concrete, as Manly Husband enters another winter refusing to use a snow blower, I sit in my morning spot and ponder the first 23 days of January. 

My Three Words of 2012 are hovering around me, like suspended snowflakes.  How can I nurture and decrease with a spirit of thrift?  I discovered one thing this week:  homemade bread!  Many sing its praises for nutritional value and frugality, but I've always had a fear of yeast.  I know...weird.  But I can proudly say that yeast is my friend and listens to me when I tell it to rise. 

When I started considering making my own bread, I thought I was going to have to make a mighty investment in a Kitchen Aid mixer and a grain mill.  That didn't sound very thrifty.  I found, shockingly, that kneading the bread was half the fun, and my girls were delighted to help.  My friend reminded me that we have a mutual friend with a mill that we could use.  Yay, thrift!  We enjoyed 3 loaves of bread this week:  one white and two honey wheat.  The smell in itself was healing and nurturing. 

How did having homemade bread at my fingertips contribute to "decrease" you may be wondering?  Well, two slices of that honey wheat sustained me through 5 hours of worship team practice, worship leading in two services, and many conversations after church.  No donuts for me! 

Dave was inspired by my Amish-ness, and decided to make some homemade cheese with a kit he had ordered.  He and Grace spent Saturday afternoon stirring a big kettle of milk and cream and enzymes, which produces some squeaky and delicious cheese curds.  Next up...cheddar! 

Don't be too impressed.  Last night, the kids warmed up chicken nuggets, thoroughly processed.  At least I tried one new thing and hope to make it a staple. 

Almost 40

This post is dedicated to K.B., who knows why.

As we sat in the bright room, waiting for our littles to audition for a local theater production, we moms circled up for that rare half hour to laugh and re-connect.  When the topic of my blog came up, one mom nodded knowingly.  "Oh, yes, I read your last blog.  I remember having the same conversation with my husband a while back.  You're 40, right?"

That caught me off guard.  "Well, almost 40." 

Her:  "Mmm-hmm.  That's what I thought."

Me:  "What, you can tell my age by my blog?"

Her:  "Well, yeah."

Me:  "That's amazing.  I'm going to blog about that."

It was like the "psychic" at the county fair who guesses your age.  You think, no way, he'll totally think I'm younger than I actually look.  And then he nails it.  You think, shoot I need to make an appointment for a fresh hair color.

I remember sitting at a Hearts at Home conference a long time ago.  A gorgeous woman was giving a concert for all us moms.  I can't remember her name, but I remember when she announced that she was 40 and everyone gasped.  Seriously, she looked all of 25.  I decided to try it at my last concert.  I mentioned my age.  No one gasped.  Shoot, definitely time for a fresh color!

I am not obsessed with age, or hair color for that matter.  I love the wealth of experience and wisdom that comes with chugging down the timeline.  I value these things more than youth.  But it's disconcerting when someone guesses your age based on what kinds of things you are blogging. 

I'm trying to figure out how to throw everyone off.  Let's see....watch for upcoming titles:  My Secret Crush on Justin Beiber, When Your Husband Forgets Your First Anniversary, How to Decorate Around Mom's Old Couch and 2 Garage Sale Chairs,  20 Recipes for Ramen Noodles. 

Yeah, I don't want to go back there.  But I do like this thought from Job 33:24-26.

let their flesh be renewed like a child’s;
let them be restored as in the days of their youth’—
then that person can pray to God and find favor with him,
they will see God’s face and shout for joy;
he will restore them to full well-being.

Well-being, with the smooth skin of a child.  Heavenly.

Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen

Riddle:  what singular thing can bring us great benefit and massive discouragement?  Well, it's all in the semantics.  Great benefit:  emulating a person and family you admire, otherwise known as role modeling.  Massive discouragement:  comparing yourself to a person or family you envy, otherwise known as idol worshipping.

My husband and I had a discussion about this last night over burgers and fries at Newts.  I wanted to pick his brain on which men in his life he admires and seeks to emulate.  He wanted to eat his burger and keep abreast of the 49ers/Patriots score.  But he humored me and mentioned a couple of names, pointed to some parenting classes we've taken, and praised the fact that we are a tight team when it comes to guiding our family. 

"Do you ever get down on yourself because you're not more like so-and-so?" I probed. 

"Nope."

"Oh." 

Maybe it's a female thing.  Maybe we more easily turn role models into idols.  All I know is that I have to be extremely careful in this area.  In the Bible, which is my instruction manual, there is no step-by-step recipe on how to do life and raise a family.  God has provided the ingredients of my family in one big, handsome face, one quickly-wrinkling, almost 40-year-old mug,  and 3 sweet, ever-morphing faces.  He says, "Child, this is My provision for you.  There are a million fine ways cook.  Just trust Me, and I will be your guide and soothe your worries." 

What happens when there are too many cooks in my mental kitchen?  

It leads me to think things like: why don't  I have her ingredients?  How come I can't have a kitchen like theirs?  How do they cook with a well-developed recipe, while I just cook with a pinch of this and a palm of that?  How did they get nice, brown bread while mine is burned on the bottom? 

Suddenly, my mind hits fast-forward through the Food Network.  Do it like this!  Do it like that!  Stir the pan!  Put on the lid!  Take off the lid!  Turn up the heat!  No, turn it down!  Follow the recipe!  Throw out the recipe!  Oh, look at his perfect turkey.  Oh, look at her beautiful cake.

Stop.  STOP!  Turn it off.  We are the Pearsons.  God loves even the worst things about us, because they keep us humble and seeking Him.  God loves the best things about us because they make Him look good. 

Now, I think I'll go join my family for our own little breakfast in our own little kitchen, even if someone burns the toast.

The Top Resolutions You Should Resolve To Do Until You Lose Your Resolve and Eat the Bag of Chips

My inbox has been inundated with suggestions for New Year's resolutions from various bloggers and websites I follow.  The taglines read:  The Top 5 Resolutions for Families in 2012, The Only Resolution You Need, Why Resolutions Don't Work, 52 Projects for Your New Year, and on and on.  I read them all, while munching on chips I should be avoiding based on one of my resolutions.

I can't neglect to mention that I contributed to the fray with my recent post:  My Three Words for 2012. 

I can't help that I love the fresh canvas of a new year.  I'm hardwired that way.  I read in Isaiah 43, "I am about to do a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?" and I get all jittery and excited and empowered with anticipation.  What are you going to do, God? 

Then I read down a little further in Isaiah, pause, read it again:

"...you did not call on me...you have been weary of me..." 

"...you did not call on me...you have been weary of me..." 

Oh, dear, did He notice I didn't pray yesterday?  Did he see how I was bored at church; how my worship was stale and stilted?  Did he catch me trying to cut the fabric between the sacred and secular, when His design is for one continuous thread?  Why am I eating all these chips?

My heart's desire is that all this talk of new things and new ways and new projects would lead me deeper unto God, not reveal that I'm just plain weary of Him, of this following after and need a distraction.

And then again, perhaps this is Grace.  His gift of new ideas and fresh streams in the desert so that I may be renewed and be a voice that renews and inspires others to continue in the pursuit of God and self-improvement.

With a heap of grace and a side of chips.

Celebrating Ephiphay with the Kids

Today is the "twelfth day of Christmas."  When you sing the painfully long Christmas carol, or sit patiently as your young piano students plunk it out at lessons, you might be interested to know that those days FOLLOW Christmas Day and end on Jan. 6, called Epiphany by the early church.  Epiphany means "manifestation."  We generally recognize it as the day when the Magi beheld the Christ child with their gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.  A day when Jesus was revealed not just to the Jews, but to the Gentiles.   Today!

I would like to discuss this event with my kids during devotions this morning, so I did a little research.  We will begin by reading Matthew 2:1-12 and learning the significance of each gift of the Magi.


Then I found this compelling tradition of the Western Church.  They write in chalk the three initials of the Magi, C, M, and B (Caspar, Melchior, and Balthasar) which also stands for Christus mansionem benedicat, translated "May Christ Bless This House."  I LOVE this idea!  I'm not sure why there is a 'K' on this door, but this picture is an example of the initials chalked onto a door of a rectory in the Czech Republic.  Today it will be our door.  I'll post a picture tomorrow. 

Ephiphany is a lovely word.  It has all this spiritual history, but it also is the word for "a sudden, intuitive perception of reality."  I love those kind of inspired moments and hope to have many in 2012.  

From Herald to Servant

Of this gospel, I have been appointed a herald.  2 Tim 1:11

I have claimed this verse for the last four years, joining Paul thousands of years after he penned the phrase to Timothy, sensing that God had put me together with a penchant for words and tunes so he could use me as His instrument.  It even inspired a Christmas song and CD entitled "Herald."  It has been a wonderful endeavor, singing my little songs to audiences large and small, heralding the good news. 

But I am at a crossroads.  The momentum is slowing, and honestly, I have been grateful for the respite from the heavy load of concerts in 2010.  It was hard to be a herald, and a mom, wife, teacher, daughter, friend.   I am set to record another CD, which ramps up the momentum, but I hesitate.  What does God want of me right now in this demanding season of motherhood? 

Today, in Ephesians 3, my attention fell to the 7th verse:

Of this gospel, I have become a servant.

Is that the key to one of my 3 words for 2012:  nurture?  I "take on the very nature of a servant?"  That means I would intentionally set out to put others before myself.  I would put down my music and look for ways to serve.   That is not easy for a selfish creature such as myself.  I think it might take as much energy as being a herald.  No, it would take more, because "heralding" comes with certain accolades and perks.  "Serving" is thankless, quiet, secret, humble, self-sacrificing. 

Oh, how I have prayed to have the mind of Christ, my Savior.  The evidence speaks for itself:  He was not a herald.  He was a servant.  (Phil. 2:5-11)

My Three Words for 2012

This will be my third year of choosing three guiding words that represent my heart and mind for the new year.  They are by no means resolutions, which beg to be broken by mid-January.  They are carefully chosen words that act as beams of light on my path, helping direct my steps.  The process of choosing them is mind-boggling.  I mean, there are umpteen billion words in my language.  How do I pare down to 3?  By listening.  A quiet mind allows the right words to bubble to the top of the list.  Here they are:

1.  Thrift

I want to be more thrifty with my time and money.  Perhaps there are more concise words I could choose, but I think "thrift" will stick in my mind.  I heard recently that Mark Zuckerberg, the creator of Facebook, takes on a personal challenge each year.  Last year, he decided to only eat meat he had butchered himself.  Crazy but cool!  So my not-so-bloody challenge is to only purchase clothes and shoes this year from thrift stores or consignment (except for my running shoes and undergarments!)  The money I save will help pay for the new Compassion child I am sponsoring:  a 15-year-old boy from Haiti. 

It will be interesting to see where this word takes me.  I would love to become a less impulsive spender, more thoughtful and self-controlled...to only bring new things into my home that will add value and enhance my life. 

When I sit down to time-wasting activity, I pray this word will blink like neon in my mind.  I haven't quite decided where blogging falls on this continuum of time-takers.  Weak sigh.


2.  Nurture

I've scribbled down many variations of this word and almost chose "shepherd,"  but then I walked into my bathroom yesterday and saw this beautiful book jacket placed on a ledge for decoration...

It's an image I will see everyday as a reminder.  I need to pay more attention to relationships in my life.  I am and have always been project-oriented.  I LOVE  a new project.  I LOVE to work alone.  But I realize I am missing a vital part of human connection and ministry when I focus on my own projects.  I want to invite my children into my projects more often.  I want to linger over conversations with friends, since I tend to always get to business, especially on the phone.  I need to call my dad regularly.  I pray for a few relationships outside of my normal Christian friends that I can nurture and pursue.  I pray for at least one mentoring/discipling relationship within my church....perhaps a young mom.  What I know for sure is that if I am not intentional with this, I will continue accomplishing a lot of little projects on my own.  Like new blogposts.  Again, weak sigh.

3.  Decrease

Some form of this word always ends up on my list.  Last year: yield.  Two years ago:  portion.  Of course, it's mainly about food.  I have found that the most effective way to remind myself that food does not control me is to fast.  I intend to fast regularly in 2012.  I have a book on my side table right now entitled:  Knowing God Through Fasting by Elmer Towns.  I just finished a really good "girlfriend-type" one called Craving Grace by Lisa Velthouse.  It helps to know how others approach and experience fasting. 

More than food, I must always focus on decreasing so that God may increase.  Not drawing attention to myself is hard, particularly when God has given me a speaking/singing platform.  But I know it can be handled well because I've seen others do it beautifully.  I will imitate them. 

And then there is the STUFF.  That winds me back to "thrift."  Being diligent about decluttering and careful of adding more.  Often, I get stuck in the cycle of cleaning out and then buying new.  Hopefully, this word will prevent me from increasing my stuff. 


Why do I bother putting so much thought into this?  Because it works.  Reflecting on my words from 2011 (inheritance, voice, yield) I can clearly see that God blessed my efforts with fruit, and for that, I am utterly grateful.  As in my Bible reading from Hosea this morning, God calls out in passionate love, I respond in grace-filled faithfulness, and together we form a lovely, fruitful marriage.

How about you?  Would you join me?